Finding My Center at the Piko of East Maui

I lost my center. I had a really bad experience with a person who spit so much hate, and darkness, and pure anger directly at me that it shook the entire core of my being off-center. It was as if the words of this person came at me like leeches, attached themselves to my body and just sucked the mana right out of me ... against my will, against my will, against my will ... and I left this place where this person and their darkness manifested feeling violated and exposed. I did nothing to this person, this person knows nothing of me, and yet this person felt that it had the right to spew hatred at me ... and for days I had dark thoughts of my own toward this person. This is when I realized that I had lost my center and I needed to get it back ... so I took it to the mountain.

Last Saturday, I went on a 12 mile hike with some co-workers to the highest place on Maui -- Haleakala. From the summit to the crater floor and back up to 8000 ft. We started in the wee hours of the morning, with ice crystals and frost still lining the portion of the trail called sliding sands -- all down hill. This is the early morning view of the crater from the initial descent:

By the time we had gotten to the crater floor it had warmed up and the frost and icicles had melted on the eastern slope exposures. Walking through this vast expanse of cinder and rough, broken, lava is how I imagine Frodo feeling on his way to Mordor:

To some it may seem a barren wasteland, but to me it was beauty exemplified because even in extreme conditions there is serenity and comfort. This environment reflected the way that I felt -- had been feeling -- since that fateful encounter. But like I said there is beauty and comfort in it and I needed to find that in me in order to find my center again:

Beauty in Simplicity

Comfort atop the a`a

We continued through to follow the Halemau`u Trail, destination Holua Cabin for lunch, and as we walked across the old lava flows and up the cinder slopes I began to feel as though I didn't need to carry all this extra baggage that was heaped upon me without my permission. It was weight that I didn't need and I think that my body knew it and wanted to cleanse me of it. My lungs seared in this thin environment, but I pressed on and up and over and across:

then literally came upon greener pastures:



We broke for lunch at Holua Cabin and prepared for the ascent out of the crater. The air was cool and the sun was friendly and the contrast between the landscape that we had just come out of and the landscape that we were in during lunch was striking.

I suppose I could apply the analogy of the landscape changes from severe to lush to the way my attitude and overall disposition had changed through out the hike and up to that point. The remaining part of the hike was all up hill, much like my need to climb out of that dark place that I was in, but the lands were lush and rejuvinated and I could begin to feel my mana flow again. The mists were on my back and the air was thick with moisture and as we came out of the crater -- I came out with my center in place.

It was a rough hike, I hadn't completed a hike like that since college, and I was sore as all get out that night and through the rest of the weekend and Monday morning. My body continued to rid itself of all that bad stuff on Saturday -- I won't go into details -- but suffice it to say I felt lighter and centered and I had my mana back. Can I let my pain and anger go once and for all? I will be honest and say "no" it's simply not in my nature. But I can make it less and call it a necessary hardship that will serve as a lesson learned and hardship to grow stronger on. As long as Haleakala will have me I know that I have a place to turn to when I need to make things less.

The Bedtime Wars -- A Saga of One Mother And Her Quest For Night Time Sanity

The battle began nearly a year ago. For you, people who may or may not be out there in cyberspace, I offer the details of that first battle.

February 6, 2007 -- Night one in the Battle of the Bedtime Wars is complete and the superpower of Mommyville claims a hardwon victory...a victory that could have only been claimed by conceding some points to the army of one that I will refer to as Toddlerdom. It wasn't easy, as Toddlerdom has a shaky alliance with an older and more experienced general that I will refer to as the Wise Old Six Year Old (General WOSO for short). What is Mommyville fighting for? Toddlerdom and General WOSO sleeping in their own beds, by themselves, by 8:00. It will be a tough, uphill climb, what with so many temptations that may finally break the resolve of Mommyville, like missing my favorite shows while fighting on an important front -- namely the small concession of laying down with Toddlerdom for security while she dozes off to sleep for the first couple of nights -- but TV is for the weak and I shall not fail and raise the white flag of surrender. Or perhaps giving in to fatigue and irritability because if Toddlerdom just has her way (staying up until 10:00 playing with her stuffed aminals) then I don't have to fight and I won't miss my shows -- but no, I must stay the course -- because the end means well behaved children. The end means no more morning battles to get Toddlerdom and General WOSO out of bed and fed before 7:15a. The end means MOMMY TIME! It is 9:30pm and all is quiet on the front lines. Toddlerville and General WOSO are sleeping (this is me doing the silent cabbage patch dance right here). Tomorrow is another day and tomorrow night another battle...